A DUCT TAPE CHISTMAS

"The true beauty of Christmas is revealed when we adore the season, not like some weary adult, but like a bubbly little child..." -Michael Bassey Johnson

"TOILET'S BROKEN!!" I yelled  so my mother could hear in the kitchen. It was Company  day. Carols playing on the radio. Kitty playing under the tree. Pots bursting at their seams on the stove. Two Mincemeat  pies bubbling in the oven.

Company was due in an hour. Smoked oysters. Cream crackers. Smoked cheese. Followed by Roast Beast. Mashed potatoes with butter, Brussel sprouts ( yuck). and mincemeat pie. Oh that mincemeat pie.......a butter crust and mincemeat hot and simmering.

And the toilet. Yes, the old toilet seat. Broken off its hinges.

It wobbled. It was cracked. It wouldn't stay put. It slithered from side to side.

Two days before Christmas.

One hour before  Great Aunt Norma and Great Uncle Ted would descend. Some sort of long lost relatives that appeared at Christmas.

Devouring everything in sight. The  Christmas before,  Uncle Ted broke my mother's  delicate reading chair when he sat on it. He burped a lot and sweated profusely. Aunt Norma drank sherry till she giggled mercilessly. Then she would hiccup. They were fun.

1960's

My father gave that little chair  to my mother  when they moved into the house in Fairfield in the 50's.

I carried the broken toilet seat out to the kitchen. "Don't bring that in here!" shouted my mother. "But what if they fall in?" said I, sticking my head between the oval. (I was like 10)"We need a new one"

My mother took a long look at the dining room all laid out in her best china. Steam from the boiling pots escaped and wafted over the table. The broken little chair from last year caught her eye. 

"Duct Tape!" she  looked at the little chair that bore the wounds. My mother put it back together with duct tape. No one ever sat in it after that. Instead it held the phone book.  She couldn't bring herself to throw it out.

She handed me the huge roll of duct tape. I ripped pieces off and cemented the toilet latches  so they would not move. I  doubted no one would break it now. Not even Aunt Norma, who wore a girdle that swished when she walked.

The dinner was pretty good. I was on my best behaviour.Well, sort of. I kept stealing cream crackers. Uncle Ted  didn't break anything. Aunt Norma drank tea  instead of sherry. They ate BOTH mincemeat pie. Uncle Ted said "'Scuse Me" a dozen times at least. He sure burped a lot.

And that little chair?It survived  countless moves for years.(Duct tape rules.) Till one day, many moons later, I had it repaired. All the duct tape came off. It was restored to its beautiful self. But ever since then I have never let anyone  sit in it. just in case. And I keep a roll of duct tape near by. Just in case.

"Christmas is the beginning of a wonderfully tumultuous story, in order to turn the world on its head..." - Craig D. Lainsborough.

Photographs 2020