THE DRAGNET CAR (short story)

                "This is the city, I carry a badge...." - Joe Friday

It was Winter. It was February.  Edna had just adopted out  a couple of her cats. Now she had two. And the pig, of course. Buttertub was getting too big for her stroller now. Winter had set in. Edna’s car, an old Dodge was falling apart at the seams. 

Buttertub  took up the entire back seat. It sagged. The pig sagged. The two cats perched in the back window like Egyptian statues. They did not sag.

When they went for rides, Buttertub always got car sick. She liked to hang her head over the seat and stare thru the big, rusty hole in the floorboard.

. It made her queasy to see the ground rushing by. The cats yowled like chorus girls.. When Edna came to a screeching stop, Buttertub  barfed all over the seat.

Then one day, the old Dodge got munched. They were coming home very late, around ten pm, on a  Friday night. Quiet, rain slicked streets.  Buttertub’s tummy was acting up, but they were almost home. 

Edna peered thru the steering wheel. She stretched her foot to find the  pedal. Edna always drove in bare feet. The light was green. 

Unfortunately, the elderly couple in  the VW bug,  did NOT see their red light.  CRUNCH! Cars locked. Cars never moved from that moment on.  Cats dug in their claws.  Buttertub threw up. Luckily no one was hurt. The police had the cars hauled away.  Buttertub was put into a cab, along with the cats. Edna  watched her old Dodge being towed off. 

It had been the only car  her husband  had driven. She had to learn to drive it after he died.  Before that she used to drive tractors.

In the week following, Edna decided they had to have another car. The pig and the cats were restless.   She bought a 1967 Ford Fairlane,for $300,  from an elderly lady, who said she had only driven it on Sundays.  

It  looked just like the car from “Dragnet”. Only 22 years old. “And still has a lot of get up and go,” said the lady  “ I hope I haven’t sold you a lemon”. 

The trunk had to be tied down. The starter  turned off  at odd times. Usually on a busy downtown street. A bus driver showed her how to hot wire her Dragnet car. 

Edna had trouble seeing over the steering wheel. So she plopped phone books on her seat and a cushion. Her shoes she tossed into the back seat. 

She still could not see over the wheel too well. But it would do. She would look between the rungs. Just like in the Dodge. 

All the floorboards were intact. Buttertub loved the back seat. If she sat up on the seat she could see out. The windows were wider. The cats  no longer sat in the back window. They liked the front seat beside Edna.

. First ride out, Edna’s bare feet couldn’t quite reach the pedals. She had to lean in  and wiggle her toes to reach the gas. She shoved the gas pedal and the  Dragnet car shot out, backwards, into the street. 

Just missed a telephone pole. The cats glared at her. Buttertub’s tummy gurgled. “Sorry,” said Edna. 

Every time she started the car, she had to hot wire the starter. It would vroom to life. Eventually she stopped shooting  out into traffic like a bullet.  Edna loved her new car. If only she could see over the steering wheel.

The cats rode shotgun. The pig barfed …. And all the while, the Dragnet car purred…… 

Photographs 2022
 NOTE: Edna is my mother, I am the oink oink, and the cats are the cats we had at the time. The police once stopped by mother for a broken tail light or something and gave her a warning for her bare feet and the phone books. And of course, the holes in the floorboards interested them greatly.......