THE WEDDING

The WEDDING (Mar 7-22)

*Based on a real wedding experience I played at a few moons ago....

    Edna adjusted her large floral hat with the white feathers and pink tulle. She looked like the Queen Mum in her pink froo froo, at the piano playing her fourth rendition of “Bind us Together”. On  stage at the church. Waiting  for her cue.

She was so excited. She had not played in a group for years. In fact, she couldn’t EVER remember playing in one.  But no matter. It was thrilling. 

The  main pianist had  eloped. The bride  asked Edna to fill in. Edna knew one song she could play:“Bind Us Together”. So she played that over and over.

She also brought Buttertub.  The bride had requested Edna’s pig be in the bridal party. It was a farm themed wedding. Buttertub was going to carry the rings.

Down the aisle. With the bride’s son, who was all of ten years old. The bride assured her they would look after her pig. 

At the front of the church was a HUGE wooden arch, with fake daffodils and straw stapled all over the rims. Straw bales  were plopped at the edge to hold it up. Buttertub  was waiting at the back aisle ,for her cue. 

The leader of the band, Hank, a fiddler of some reknown,  came up on stage. There was a bass, a guitarist, a vocalist,  Edna and Hank. He showed her his fiddle. There was a list of songs taped to the back of the instrument. “My wife did that,” he said, “ so I don’t forget”. 

He wore a blue leisure suit from decades gone by. A frilly shirt and a black cowboy tie and hat. His boots jingled and jangled when he walked across the stage. The vocalist was poised. 

“Where’s my music?” asked Edna. “No music,” said Hank. “Just play some D’s and E’s with a  long riff. You’ll be fine…”. Edna had no idea what a "riff" was.... 

And so the vocalist  started singing the processional: “Lovesick Blues” by Hank Williams. The guitarist strummed. Hank tapped his toes and scraped away on his fiddle, like it had a hernia or something.

. Edna adjusted her hat and dutifully played some D’s and E’s on the keys.

Buttertub  toddled down the aisle to the hay bales.  The bride’s son removed the rings and handed them to the groom. Unfortunately , he let go of Buttertub. But no one noticed. Not then.

The pastor cleared his throat a few times.  All he managed to say was : “Dearly Beloved”. Buttertub squealed. The bride’s son rocked back and forth and fell over in a dead faint. The guests gasped and shrieked.  Buttertub wrapped her leash around the ankles of the pastor and yanked him over. Then they all noticed her.

The boy they hauled up, placing him, unceremoniously, under the front pew to recover. The pastor yowled till someone  put Buttertub back by the hay bales, tucking her leash over the edge of the archway. Buttertub nibbed at the hay. And no one noticed ……

Someone nudged Hank. The  band started playing “Guess things Happen that Way” by Johnny Cash. Hank yelled at Edna to play some F’s and C notes.  So Edna dutifully plunked on the keyboard and held onto her hat which was threatening to fly off.

The pastor started again: “Dearly Beloved”, after he had composed himself. The bride’s son was still sprawled out under the pew. He had a pen and was drawing on the underside of the bench.

The service got to the end, with only one instance of Buttertub passing gas after the vows. The pastor signaled to Hank. “Ring of Fire” blared forth from the band. Edna played some D’s and A’s this time, for variety.

But no one noticed  Buttertub. She pulled on her leash and the entire gateway came crashing down. It smashed into a ton of pieces. Just missing the pastor, but knocking off his hair piece. It landed on the ground where the pig found it. She ran off with it. Squealing.

Hank stomped his boots, spurs jangling, and the band fell into “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash. The bride’s son, fully recovered, rounded up Buttertub and the pastor’s hair piece. Edna ended on a high note, so to speak. She played some C’s and B’s, while Hank wailed away on his fiddle “ I fell into a burnin’ ring of fire. The ring of fire, the ring of fire…”

Photographs 2022