THE HEARSE (revamped, so to speak)

.....and now, a sneak peak at one of the revamped stories for the book (s).......

titles to be figured out  soon.....they're almost done editing......but for  now a short story .....

When I was  a kid, I had Abby as my friend. She was my nearest and dearest. Her parents were a hoot. They let us do whatever we wanted.

Their claim to fame was rescuing  injured birds. Especially crows, nursing  them back to health and having release parties in the park. Abby’s mom liked  to do the whole  protest march thing. Save  the “something”, every other week. Any cause was fine. In the summer it was a ground beef boycott. “Save the Cows. ” Her group staged  sit-ins at a ton of  grocery stores. They dressed up in cow costumes and mooed at customers.  The manager  at one store finally gave them free toilet paper, to make them go away. Abby’s mom was on the news later. She was  arrested for throwing gobs of melted chocolate turds at  the customers.

Abby’s  dad worked nights, part time, at a used car lot, polishing cars.  He came home with a Cadillac Hearse one day. His boss sold it to him for $50. He’d sleep inside the hearse, during the day. In the coffin part.   We’d watch him thru  the window and wonder if he was dead. We’d take bets from  the neighbourhood kids. We did that all of July. 

In August , it rained, and I mean cats and dogs. Abby’s mom, back from Community Service,  stacked toilet paper into the hearse. She’d run out of room in the house. 

Abby’s dad liked to sleep in the hearse when it rained during the day. He liked the piddle piddle sound  it made on the roof. Said it reminded him of zombie movies.  He even tucked packages of toilet paper around him, for extra comfort. 

Abby and I decided we should cash in on this. We started charging kids a quarter to see the body in the hearse. Abby’s dad slept thru it all. Kids came from all over to see  Abby’s dad in the hearse.

“It’s a real live dead body!.”

“It’s a vampire.”  The kids stared in at her dad lying amongst the toilet paper.

“Nahhhhh. That’s just Abby’s dad”

“Where’s his fangs?”

I’m not payin’ you nothin’. He’s not dead.”

“Sure he is,” said Amy. “He’s gonna rise up any second now.”

“And eat you alive!” I  said.

When the light was going down, Abby’s dad  stirred. He sat up. The kids shrieked and off they sprinted.

“Don’t you want to see the chopped off  heads?” Abby shouted to them.

They returned a few days later, when Abby’s dad wasn’t sleeping in the car. We told them  he was flying around town looking for more eyeballs to eat. We charged 50 cents  each to tell  each whopper.  If someone complained about the increase, we blamed it  on inflation.

We made a killing, so to speak. This time we were going to sell the story that Abby’s dad was a vampire cowboy from the old west. That is, until Abby’s dad walked out of the house towards the hearse and started polishing it.

The kids stared at him. “Where’s your fangs?” they asked.

“Ahh,” said Abby’s dad, and opened  his wallet. “ I keep them here.” He took out a pair of fangs and smacked them in place. 

Everyone screamed, and ran.

Abby’s dad howled  to the sky.  Abby and I moved to the other side of the hearse. 

“ They’re not real, dad,” said Abby.

Abby’s dad  climbed into the hearse for his nap. Fangs and all. 

Funny,” he said, as he settled in to rest, “that’s what they said when I was a cowboy

Photographs 2023