For the Love of Dirt: STAND...

Thursday, February 8, 2024

STAND...

"And I will tell of all he has done for my soul...." -Psalm 66

I have my life back. I can stand. After two long Hinge knee surgeries. Fearful wonderful things these Hinge implants. They look like double edged Viking swords which have been shoved deep into each of my leg bones. They could also be Klingon bat”leths . Cool . Way cool. Far out. I love Star trek…….

I’m a little wobbly, but give me time. I don’t lean to one side anymore. I hope to always be straight and strong. I am in awe. To think this was possible. My joints were collapsed and destroyed.

Then to be told a few years ago I had to get this fixed, or I’d be in a wheelchair. Watching myself crawl along the walls as I tried to walk.. Fear. Hope. ……the big what if…….please I don’t want to hear about what if…..

Negotiating every moment. Each day. Each performance, wondering if you can walk up to life’s stage. Counting every step. Wondering if you will have to sit down in the middle of the grocery store. Again. Like you’ve done for so many years.

Just to catch up with the pain. Watch it grasp and cling to you. every part of you shouting. Will you always sit on the floor, waiting for everyone to pass by. Does anyone see you…..

All you want to do is stand.

And you can’t.

Then one day there is this amazing, gifted surgeon who says he sees your struggle. He knows how to set you on the road.

He tells you it is a long road, but it is possible.

He fixes one half of the equation. You still can’t walk without limping to one side. You’re half better..

Still broken .

Still sitting on the floor…..

Then again. Another Viking sword, another Bat”leth to vanquish your demons. There have been so many.

In that moment those demons are gone. Like an answer to prayer. It has all come together. You will walk. You will run. Maybe not at this time, but soon. Soon….